I don't need a boy.

I wish you would go away.
Yeah I like you but I don't need to be treated the way you treat me,
I deserve better.
It hurts, but I just want you to leave me alone
It has been around a month since it all started and its all still the same...
So I am done waiting for you to realize what you want and if it is me it is to late.
I gave you many chances and you never took them so why should I stay any longer
I am going to take someones advice and just live my life and if love finds me that is great
but then again I am only 15 so what do I care
I can handle being single and not trying to find a boy, I can handle the useless drama in my life.
But what I can not handle is anymore of this heart ache.

I see you and everything else stops.

Talked to you for the first time in a while yesterday
finally found the missing part of me
felt so close but you were far away
left me without anything to say

now I’m speechless
over the edge and just breathless
I never thought that I’d catch this again
hopeless head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit
with this again

I can’t get your smile out of my mind
I think about your eyes all the time
beautiful but you don’t even try
modesty is just so hard to find

now I’m speechless
over the edge and just breathless
I never thought that I’d catch this again
hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit
with this again

wanted him to kiss me for the first time yesterday
only thing I wished for
suddenly I forgot how to speak
hopeless, breathless, baby can’t you see

now I’m speechless
over the edge and just breathless
I never thought that I’d catch this again
now I’m hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit
with this again

Stopped.

my life has stopped... just stopped.
caring what people say because who I like just stopped
the friends just stopped
All-State practicing just stopped
piled up homework just stopped
the stress just stopped
being healthy just stopped
sadness just stopped
riding my moped to school just stopped
Kelli just stopped
the warm just stopped
early mornings just stopped
being jealous just stopped
worrying about grades just stopped
giving half my effort towards musical just stopped
worrying about what he will do just stopped


But... by tomorrow I bet it will all start again.

Even though I am gone, he still loves me.

I miss spending my free time with Max.

Now I have no free time and he always looks at me with his cute sad puppy face as he follows me towards the door because I am always on the go and I don't have the time to play with him like I used to.

At least I know he will always love me and will never do anything to hurt me, and I try my best to show him I love him.

I love Max, and I am going to try and play with him more.

That ended fast.

To answer any questions:
It lasted 22 hours
We never talked to each other during that time
I saw him twice, walking opposite ways in the hall at school
He told me through a message on facebook

But hey, I knew it would not last long... but then again I never thought that short.
He is a manwhore, and I am just as happy without him as I was when I was "with" him.


"You change your mind like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS like a bitch I would know
got a case of a love bi-polar cause you're hot then you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in then you're out
you're up then you're down
you're wrong when it's right
it's black and it's white
we fight, we break up
we kiss, we make up
you, you don't really want to stay, no
you, but you, but you don't really want to go-o
you're hot then you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in then you're out
you're up and you're down"


"Womanizer, woman-womanizer
you're a womanizer
oh womanizer,
oh you're a womanizer baby
you, you, you are
you, you, you are
womanizer, womanizer, womanizer (womanizer)
boy don't try to front,
I-I know just, just what you are-are-are
boy don't try to front,
I-I know just, just what you are-are-are
you got me goin',
you're oh so charming
but I can't do it,
you womanizer"


P.S. I am jealous of you.

So yeah...

We are dating.
He asked me out.
October 15th.
I know it might not last long.
I already told him what I needed to.
He is a senior but whatever.
I know to be careful.
We have been talking about it for almost 3 weeks.
I don't care how much you want to bitch me out, because I am happy now.

In the end...

Yes, I like him a lot and... his name is Lawrence Creech.

Ugh...

I am tired of the headaches from crying

I don't appreciate the pressure from friends

I hate feeling sick from thinking

Being hurt from worrying about what you are doing when I am not around is annoying

I don't like how I can't get over it

I want a break from trying to get very good grades and failing

I am sick of all this heartache

Ugh... I just wish ALL of it would disappear and I could live a less dramatic life

I miss it all.

free time
someone to tell everything to
real hugs
people wanting to hang out with me
good friends
orchestra
this
not knowing manwhores
knowing what to do
dancing all the time
laughing
notes written in class
talking a lot more
not crying so much
having fun
instant messaging all the time
enjoying band
children movies
less homework
parties
real love
art class
not lieing
wanting to sing
her
helping people
not missing things
drawing pictues
presents
board games
playing the piano
having nothing to spend my money on
not being mad fun of
writing for fun
people coming to me to talk
inside jokes
not being told everything I think or do is wrong
good music
being called on the phone
not hiding
finger painting
people not being attached to one another so much
mix CDs
you
hanging out randomly
people caring what I said
skip-its
not trying to stand up for myself
doing well in school
hearing stories
people doing what they say they will
being told jokes
iconator
playing dress-up
there
pointless conversations
friends that last more then 10 minutes
being loved
The Nerd Posse
reading
card games
being brave
things made for me
playing outside
smiling
bike rides
walking around time
having a clean room
naps
things being true
telling stories
that
not hurting myself on accident daily
picture books
the word beautiful
cartoons
theme birthday parties
Matt
my squishy pillow
taking good photograph
him
understanding the world and the people around me
my old self
wearing dress with out people asking why
hola hoops

knowing how to remove the double space

skipping

holding hands

not always being on the computer

family time

Ben

not being a procrastinator

doing what I want to do not what others want

parks

scooters

having time to use blogger

I am sick.

Mentally.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Sick.

I am sick of every day being busy.
I am sick of never having time for myself.
I am sick of putting myself through so much shit.

So I took a day off, and I think my mom knew I could have pushed myself through school but... she knows how hard my days have been and how hard I am trying to get things done right. So when I told her I did not feel good she said ok, I will call the school and be home at noon for lunch, she did not question me except if I had to do anything important today.

Hey Boy,

you better figure things out fast, because I don't think I can handle much more of this heartache... or standing up for you, and myself, if you don't really want to be with me.

Finally...

We are friends again, and I am glad.

Because you are pretty cool =P

I want to be in the clouds,

away from all of this.

I would not need to love and be loved

I would not have homework all the time

My life would not revolve around school and musical

My head and heart would not hurt so much

and I could play on rainbows...