back... or not

You are back, thats great
people say I seem happier
how can i have changed if
I don't feel like you are back

Yea, Monday was good
but now it just feels like you are gone

I don't understand any of it
or why I feel like you are gone
but I don't like it
and what I don't like even more is I don't know what to do

I try not to make a big thing out of it
maybe it just takes time or something
or maybe I am thinking about it to much

whatever it my be I hope it changes
and soon, because
I love you.

Who Knew

That distance makes things stronger but hurts so much more.

That people act fake but say that they don't.

That love can sometimes be hard but we are just high school kids.

That people think they are helping but really they are not.

That somethings we can not change but we try anyways.

That what you say can sound nice but not be true or ever happen.

That not talk gets thought over to hard but rarely happens.

That waiting seems like the only thing to do but its the worst.

That being sad is never allowed but that means being fake is better.

That tears are not to happen but you say you are a shoulder to cry on.

That I am strong but all you do is try and break me down.

That you cant just tell someone to be happy but everyone does it.

That sadness does not heal in a day but that it takes time.

That sitting is all we do but complain about things not getting done.

That when you need someone the most they are not there but when you don't need them they are always there.

That silence is not always bad but its treated that way.


Who Knew?
I knew.
Do you?

I miss...

~*Singing in the hallways, because everyone was in choir so they new the words and would sing too, now... you get told to shut up, actually now no one ever sings

~*Complaining about a little math homework... now its 3 projects, Spanish, music to be practiced, AND math

~*Laughing all the time at everything

~*When everything was in inside joke

~*Choir, Band, Orchestra... when they were fun and full of laughing and talking and messing around, not so... strict and unhappy

~*Boys not being such a big... problem

~*Friday hanging out was not so... up tight, because we knew on Monday we would see each other again... and talk/laugh

~*Variety Show, and all the fun and craziness i came with but also the time to be together and act silly

~*When no one cared about what brand they wore or if their hair was straight

~*That the second something bad or different happened we would tell everyone

~*The Nerd Posse

~*Not having to act "grown up"

~*Old friends

~*Having free time... and a life

~*Dancing at school because everyone was always so happy and energetic

~*Feeling like I was still young and allowed to do whatever

~*Not having to make such BIG choices

~*Going to movies together

~*Feeling like someone that no one hated or thought was weird

~*Not crying so much

~*Ms. Siler.... Mrs. Lambert, she always had a smile to make you better

~*Passing notes

~*Not thinking about my future


The truth is... I miss
Jr. High

I don't know

I don't know why I feel the way I do
or how it happened
it just did

It might be that you always have to be right
~I don't know

It might be you always have to give an input
~I don't know

It might be how every other word has to do with him
~I don't know

It might be how you change everyday
~I don't know

It might be the way you tell me to stop around you and him but you don't stop when I am with him
~I don't know

It might be the way you seem to always be talking, and never listening
~I don't know

It might be how you make a big deal out of everything
~I don't know

It might be that I get upset at you a lot
~I don't know

It might be how things you do frustrate me
~I don't know

It might be the things you complain about
~I don't know

It might be that you always talk about doing things with her all the time, and I never even talk to her
~I don't know

It might be anything
~I don't know

Please Stop

Stop saying things to me that are lies.
Please?

Stop trying to be ok around me, I would rather you be how you feel.
Please?

Stop doing one thing one day and then the next day act like i am nothing.
Please?

Stop telling me because I have a boyfriend I don't understand.
Please?

Stop pretending you do not know.
Please?

Stop leaving me out.
Please?

Stop faking that you know or care.
Please?

Stop hurting my feelings.
Please?

Stop making my heart hurt.
Please?

Stop causing me cry.
Please?

Stop hurting yourself.
Please?

Stop confusing everyone.
Please?

Stop not taking control.
Please?

Stop causing me to worry.
Please?


Please?

Whatever

call me what you want...
Elizabeth
Liz
Lizabeth
whatever the heck you want

I have stopped caring

Because some people have only ever called me Liz
so its hard for them to change and it just sounds weird
so whatever you want to say feel free
I will try and respond

Love,
Elizabeth

I Love You

Today I tried not to say I love you to anyone

its a lot harder then it sounds
especially when tons of people say it to you
because then you do not know what to respond with
and then there are the people that say they love you
and you really love them

But...
I think I say it to much
how would anyone know how much they mean to me if I say
I love anyone

So, from now on I am going to try and say it less
or only if I really mean it

And you, the one(s) reading this
maybe you should say it more
or find the real mean and say it more
or just say it when you really love that one person

So if I don't say it to you as much or whatever
maybe its because I don't really think that way
who knows the reasons to me saying things

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

Shouldn't I?

Shouldn't I be happy??

You found someone that will never hurt you

You are strong even if you want to fall apart

You have a life that keeps getting better for you

You show me how to be brave and do things I would normally not do

You don't let life bug you, you are fine they way things are for you

You want to be my friend and hang out

You always make my day better, no matter how bad it is and how much I tell you

You don't try and be something different around me

You all except me the way I am


and the only things on my mind are the bad...

Thank you... maybe?

for telling me something...
even tho I had to ask tons of questions to get it out of you

for saying you would help...
even tho you did not really seem to care

for noticing I was invisible...
even tho it was because you had to go to the bathroom and then noticed me sitting near by

for loving me...
even tho sometimes it does not feel like it

for listening to me rant about things...
even tho I started to cry

for say you love me...
even tho the next day I felt invisible

for making me laugh...
even tho it was only for a minute

for acting different around him compared to when he is gone...
even tho it bugs me a lot

for saying we would talk more...
even tho we did not talk all night

for telling everyone else what was happening...
even tho you left me out

for yelling at me when I do something to you...
even tho you do the same things to me

for leaving me alone because I was upset...
even tho I would rather just have you hold me, and never let go

for understanding that I did not have a reason to be so down...
even tho I really did know why but didn't want to worry you

for letting me just listen to you talk...
even tho you thought I was ignoring you because I did not respond all the time

for not caring that for once I did not want to be happy...
even tho people complain because "they hate to see me sad" blah blah

for letting me cry...
even tho it made you feel bad


Thank you I think...
even tho I don't think you all deserve it