The Past

~ Someone once told me if you love something let it go... and if it loves you it will come back. I proved myself right because you didn't come back you just bitched about how I messed up, you insulted me, and that is why I never went back to you... I miss you tons but I have gone over a year without you so i have mostly healed over it all

~ I want my long hair back... my really really long hair

~ My "E" necklace is still missing

~ I don't feel like I'm a senior... or that I look as old as I am =\

~ When was the last time we hung out?

~ I don't remember the first time I told you i loved you... i just remember you said it first and that is all I can come up with

~ I don't cry much now since I'm a big kid =P but sometimes if I think of the bad things that made me cry a lot it brings back tears... when Ben left for the Marines while the rest of us were on vacation, when people moved, the heart breaks, the fights, the night Joe had to stay overnight in the hospital and I was driving home also the days to follow that... mostly I cry alone in my room so then everyone thinks I'm tough =P

~ When I get bored I lay in bed and just look at my ceiling...

~ I always have loved playing the piano... I just am not that good so I give up

~ my blogs used to have some meaning or deep thoughts... now its just blahblahblah

~ I still hate when people ask me about my future even though I should know something by now... but I don't...

~ figuring out what college to go to keeps being swayed by where other people are going... or wanting to go

~ I love going to beautiful places

~ I never get tired of the cute things people can do

~ I used to be afraid of facebook stalkers and worried someone would find me...

~ when I was little I was ready to grow up and go to college and get married and have kids... now I am scared beyond belief

~ I never thought I would fall so madly in love in high school =]

summer

my summer so far has been pretty lame...
Im ready for senior year.

I'm pathetic...

without my boyfriend =\

the first of july...

My mom decides she would like to go see Eclipse... so she and I go to the 7:05 showing in town.
earlier that day I had been texting Joe and he was telling me how he didnt feel good and that he was sick. I told him I was going to the movies and hoped he felt better being home and able to sleep. the movie was great... but since my phone was on silent I was unaware of the 5 messages sent to me all from Joe. I was kind of confused cause I told him I would be at the movies so I just started reading them each one a little scarier and the last one saying he was going to the hospital. Im in a panic as we drive home telling my mom everything. when I get home I go to my room and trying calling his cell phone which rings and rings and rings and rings finally someone answers but I just hear background noise then Joes mom says hi and tells me somethings plus gives me her number so she can text me about anything that is happening. I sit at the kitchen table getting little bits of information, then she asks me if I can come to the hospital. scared to death I drive myself over to the hospital and go through the emergency doors since its like 9:30 or something... I find the room to see Joe looking horrible and his mom sitting next to him, I then stay with him until 2:30ish in the morning when he is told he has to get his apendix removed in the morning. I then decide to go home since they were putting him in a different room and I knew he needed to sleep... I ended up only get like 3 or 4 hours of sleep and I felt sick to my stomach. I am laying on the couch watching tv trying to sleep when his mom tells me he is done with surgery and everything went well, that calms me down a little so I get ready for the day and help my mom with some things when Joe texts me asking if I wanted to come see him... and of coarse that is exactly what I wanted to do so I leave around 12ish to go see him and didnt go home till around 6. in that time there was plenty of tv watched and some games played but mostly I just sat there... holding his hand... hiding how scared I was and how tired. when I went home I eat something after not eatting since dinner the night before besides some toast... I then go to Joes house were everything is less crazy since its not the whole hospital environment and he wasn't attached to an iv so I could actually hug him for the first time since it all started. but then after all that time and all that stress I couldn't hold the tears back anymore... so here I sit on my brothers laptop cause we still have no home computer with tears falling down my face cause in the past 24 hours I spent most of it in the hospital, worrying so much i felt sick because the boy I love so much was in pain and stuck on a hospital bed.