The real meaning...

This year I don't get a christmas. No real tree. No presents. Few decorations. Max has to go to the kennal on like the 23 or 22. My brother is getting married in New York City December 28, 2010... yeah I know thats a happy thing and Im excited. I like the girl too. but we have to drive because plane tickets are really expensive around the holidays and we have 6 people to take. so we rented a van and leave December 25 around 10:30-11am and we get home Januaray 2, 2011. I told my parents I was old enough to handle it but it still makes me sad... we have a very little fake tree and that is it so far and probably all. I know most people would think its great but Im missing out on a lot. Yeah for the 2nd time I will remember I get to see my whole family for the holidays and I get to spend a week in new york and see shows and go shopping and watch the ball drop live... but my brother gets to bring his girlfriend and my boyfriend doesnt get to come. My dad hates that we are staying there so long so he is going to be grumpy most of the time... but Im still excited, I just wish I could have christmas and a wedding.

"Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh"

1 1/2 years =]

The thought of thrusday makes my heart happy.
so happy that I wrote a blog about it a few days early =P

I love you, Joe. <3

after the stress...

I feel fantastic!

- I rocked it at the homecoming assembly
- the marching show will be great tonight
- I have a new little friend aka freshman (hes name is Keaton)
- I have been accepted to Luther and Central so far
- I love being a senior
- I am sooo hyper right now =]

I love my set crew pants <3

they may be a little to small
have a huge hole
and covered in every color

but they mean so much to me, and that is all that matters =]

I hate trying to pick "the right" college... uuugh

I love dance

today is my last first day of dance class... its my last year =\
I dont get to go today because my mom is making me going to the academic awards...
but Im gonna rock it out this year, and go out with a bang... its my 13th year =]

Dance is my life <3

I feel ready for college...

but I have no idea where to go and no idea what to do.
I have applyed to 1 college,
I have taken 0 senior pictures...

I know society tells me not to fall in love when Im young, well screw them
but Im scared to leave you here and go off on the big college adventure...

Im ready, but I hope its as easy and comfortable as they make it seem... besides the homework =P

I love my mom...

she is the best =]

I'm 17...

and I cry way to much...

because the boy I love hurts me
because I have no friends
because I have never gotten a call back
because no one tells me Im good at anything
because I eat lunch with people but feel completely alone
because I spend almost every night now home alone, bored
because Im always stressed about school and school related things
because people make fun of me
because people get mad at me for no reason
because I know nothing
because my mom asks me if people like my new outfits... and no one said anything all day
because people make stupid comments about me and the boy I love
because I only get yelled at when Im home... or they just dont talk to me
because people only talk to me after I write a sad blog post
because I have danced since I was 5... and only my family comes to watch (and Joe last year)
because people lie to me
because only one person every hugs me
because I try so hard at singing... but nothing ever happens
because I am pressured about college
because Im not skinny
because I will be gone all of christmas break... and it will probably a little stressful
because my dad throws a fit about coming to watch me do anything
because Im scared

busy busy busy

The one thing I hate the most about school starting...
Im busy, youre busy
Im free, youre busy
Im bored, youre busy
Im sad, youre busy
I need help, youre busy

Im going to be lucky to see you ever outside of school...
Im going to be lucky to see ANYONE outside of school...

I need help... but there is no one there anymore
all thats left is him...

Senior Year

Bring it on! =]

We'll Be A Dream

Do you remember the nights we'd stay up just laughing smiling for hours at anything remember the nights we drove around crazy in love. When the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound we'll take control of the world like it's all we have to hold on to and we'll be a dream. Do you remember the nights we made our way dreaming hoping of being someone big we're so young then we were too crazy in love. When the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound we'll take control of the world like it's all we have to hold on to and we'll be a dream. woah, woah, woah... woah, woah, oh... When the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound we'll take control of the world like it's all we have to hold on to and we'll be. When the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound we'll take control of the world like it's all we have to hold on to and we'll be a dream.

The Past

~ Someone once told me if you love something let it go... and if it loves you it will come back. I proved myself right because you didn't come back you just bitched about how I messed up, you insulted me, and that is why I never went back to you... I miss you tons but I have gone over a year without you so i have mostly healed over it all

~ I want my long hair back... my really really long hair

~ My "E" necklace is still missing

~ I don't feel like I'm a senior... or that I look as old as I am =\

~ When was the last time we hung out?

~ I don't remember the first time I told you i loved you... i just remember you said it first and that is all I can come up with

~ I don't cry much now since I'm a big kid =P but sometimes if I think of the bad things that made me cry a lot it brings back tears... when Ben left for the Marines while the rest of us were on vacation, when people moved, the heart breaks, the fights, the night Joe had to stay overnight in the hospital and I was driving home also the days to follow that... mostly I cry alone in my room so then everyone thinks I'm tough =P

~ When I get bored I lay in bed and just look at my ceiling...

~ I always have loved playing the piano... I just am not that good so I give up

~ my blogs used to have some meaning or deep thoughts... now its just blahblahblah

~ I still hate when people ask me about my future even though I should know something by now... but I don't...

~ figuring out what college to go to keeps being swayed by where other people are going... or wanting to go

~ I love going to beautiful places

~ I never get tired of the cute things people can do

~ I used to be afraid of facebook stalkers and worried someone would find me...

~ when I was little I was ready to grow up and go to college and get married and have kids... now I am scared beyond belief

~ I never thought I would fall so madly in love in high school =]

summer

my summer so far has been pretty lame...
Im ready for senior year.

I'm pathetic...

without my boyfriend =\

the first of july...

My mom decides she would like to go see Eclipse... so she and I go to the 7:05 showing in town.
earlier that day I had been texting Joe and he was telling me how he didnt feel good and that he was sick. I told him I was going to the movies and hoped he felt better being home and able to sleep. the movie was great... but since my phone was on silent I was unaware of the 5 messages sent to me all from Joe. I was kind of confused cause I told him I would be at the movies so I just started reading them each one a little scarier and the last one saying he was going to the hospital. Im in a panic as we drive home telling my mom everything. when I get home I go to my room and trying calling his cell phone which rings and rings and rings and rings finally someone answers but I just hear background noise then Joes mom says hi and tells me somethings plus gives me her number so she can text me about anything that is happening. I sit at the kitchen table getting little bits of information, then she asks me if I can come to the hospital. scared to death I drive myself over to the hospital and go through the emergency doors since its like 9:30 or something... I find the room to see Joe looking horrible and his mom sitting next to him, I then stay with him until 2:30ish in the morning when he is told he has to get his apendix removed in the morning. I then decide to go home since they were putting him in a different room and I knew he needed to sleep... I ended up only get like 3 or 4 hours of sleep and I felt sick to my stomach. I am laying on the couch watching tv trying to sleep when his mom tells me he is done with surgery and everything went well, that calms me down a little so I get ready for the day and help my mom with some things when Joe texts me asking if I wanted to come see him... and of coarse that is exactly what I wanted to do so I leave around 12ish to go see him and didnt go home till around 6. in that time there was plenty of tv watched and some games played but mostly I just sat there... holding his hand... hiding how scared I was and how tired. when I went home I eat something after not eatting since dinner the night before besides some toast... I then go to Joes house were everything is less crazy since its not the whole hospital environment and he wasn't attached to an iv so I could actually hug him for the first time since it all started. but then after all that time and all that stress I couldn't hold the tears back anymore... so here I sit on my brothers laptop cause we still have no home computer with tears falling down my face cause in the past 24 hours I spent most of it in the hospital, worrying so much i felt sick because the boy I love so much was in pain and stuck on a hospital bed.

New favorite thing

staying up at night talking to my boyfriend on the phone =]

Lip Dub =]

Goodbye Summer...

Hello work.
I work pretty much 5 days a week
8am-4pm
but Fridays 8am-2ish
if I NEED a day off I can get one
I'm babysitting two kids
Thomas - 7
Emily - 4

I start on the 8th... the day after the last day of school =\

I don't think I'm ready to be a senior,
I don't think I'm ready to grow up...

I love PostSecrets =]

you have no idea how sweet and adorable you are =]

sorry...

But I can't help but brag a little...
he is perfect =P

What a year...

It started out a little rough and unsure, now it is the best.
You are pretty much the greatest there is around.
Everyday is fantastic, nothing seems wrong.
A whole year without regrets.

A whole year with you =]

A long time.

There is this person who I see every day at school.
I know he hates me now but we used to be great friends.
About a year ago everything got messed up, and I still hate myself for doing so many horrible things but I know I am stuck with the decisions I have made.
We used to talk all the time... and laugh
now there is nothing, sometimes I try... but I am scared of hurting him again
but I'm also scared that once I graduate I will never see him again.

I wish I knew how to make things right...
I wish I knew back then that he really meant what he said...
I wish he would hug me again...
I wish I felt good about the decisions I made...
I wish the best for him...
I wish the best for me...

I miss you.

1 year older

Picnic with my favorite person
dinner out
chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting
New Moon DVD =]
wall butterflies I wanted
getting a cell phone... which was in a box in a box in a box in a box... with sand in a box =P
spending more time with my favorite person

Happy Birthday!

to me =]

One Night

It truly was the best night ever =]
I'm already excited for next year =]

Great Night.

I love prom... and I love Joe =]

Prom

is tomorrow, and I am pumped. =]

Easter

Since I am the baby of the family I miss out of a lot of things since once I'm old enough things just stopped. When I turned 10 all holidays became boring because my parents were tired of it all... no more Easter egg hunts, I have to make Easter eggs alone, no more carving pumpkins I have to do that myself too, less presents under the tree, less fun in getting the tree, less cookies made since Santa doesn't need any, less everything. Today I had to set my alarm so I would be awake before my brothers so I could have hot water to shower. Then I had breakfast which is nothing special... listen to my dad freak out because my brothers are taking so long, sit through church that was to long. The only thing we still is eat egg salad for lunch from all my hard boiled eggs. I slept the rest of the entire day because I have been staying up late the past few nights =] Now I have to go help so the table for our "fancy dinner" that will just involve eating in the dining room and not the kitchen and using the china plates. Tomorrow starts school again and I'm ready and I'm excited for prom this weekend =]

the short phone calls that last less then 5 minutes sometimes make it worse. =[
especially when you are with another girl

Finally

my prom dress came in today... and I love it =]

my biggest brother is getting married =]

http://www.scottandpaladino.com/

I got a flower today... and it made my day.
even though it looks a little sick.

2 songs

that will never feel the same...

"Sure on this shining night
Of star made shadows round,
Kindness must watch for me
This side the ground.
The late year lies down the north.
All is healed, all is health.
High summer holds the earth.
Hearts all whole.
Sure on this shining night I weep for wonder wand'ring far
alone
Of shadows on the stars."




"Hark, I hear the harps eternal
Ringing on the farther shore,
As I near those swollen waters
With their deep and solemn roar.

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
Hallelujah, praise the lamb!
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
Glory to the great I AM!

And my soul, though stained with sorrow,
Fading as the light of day,
Passes swiftly o’er those waters,
To the city far away.

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
Hallelujah, praise the lamb!
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
Glory to the great I AM!

Souls have crossed before me, saintly,
To that land of perfect rest;
And I hear them singing faintly
In the mansions of the blest.

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
Hallelujah, praise the lamb!
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
Glory to the great I AM!"

Dear Josh...

I never really knew you as a person...
I saw you everyday of second semester
you sat across the room from me in first period American Lit.
to me you seemed like a quiet nice guy
Abby and Leah cried a lot today during first hour since you weren't there
so did Bryce and Preston... and practically the entire class
today everyone wore white for you and I mean EVERYONE
it was different to see the trouble makers the ones most sad
and all the teachers not knowing what to do...
In chamber choir we sung one of our songs that is really pretty but also sad
a bunch of people started crying and it was just so sad the Mr. Lehmann said we were done for the day.
lots of people are going to the place where it happened tonight
and I hope you see how much you meant to everyone
I'm sorry something so tragic happened to you and your family
I hope you know how different the school is without you.


Love, Elizabeth

Stress

I am going to die.

Days like these

are my favorite =]

sleeping in
seeing you pretty much all day =]
playing silly video games =P
you playing the piano... and sometimes singing =]
beating you up... and winning =]
interesting dinner table conversations =P
the things you say to me =]
hugs =]


I love you =]
and my mom doesn't even care =]

Hawaii

3 hour car ride
8 hour plane ride
whales
swimming
ocean
sand castles
cute little kids
cute big kids =P
sun burn
luau
waterfalls
surfer boys
same restaurants
phone calls =]
music
ipod
homework
shopping
laying under the sun
snorkeling
playing in the sand
palm trees
henna tattoo
pictures
weddings =P
CREEPER FISH!!!
creeper dad
card games
warm weather
shorts and tank tops
flippy floppies
4 hour time difference

Just an over all great time =]

EXCITED!!!

I leave tomorrow morning to go to Hawaii... encase you are unaware =]

I come home March 12 =]

I love you =]

Far away

8 1/2 days apart =\
that is possibly the worst part...
compared to that the 8 hour plane ride will feel like nothing

"The stars lean down to kiss you, and I lie awake and miss you" -Owl City

tennnnnnnnnnah =]

I love colorguard and hanging out with the team =]

A better mood

one week from today I will be sitting at the beach =]
homemade macaroni... that I get to make =]
boyfriend coming over later =]

My mom gets worried when I spend my nights sitting at the kitchen table, by the phone, staring off into space... waiting.

Technology hates me...

Facebook doesn't work on my computer
&
my ipod is slowly breaking =\
&
my ihome has become a piece of junk

EEEEEEEEEEEH =]

I have officially bought my prom dress... now I just have to wait for it to come in

EEEEEEEKKK =]

Funny stuff

Requiem for a Tower = colorguard winterfest

Requiem for a Dream = ice dancers at Olympics


They go together =]

Me too...

http://www.formspring.me/empgirl417

Ugggggggggh

my facebook doesn't work... I'm going through withdraw

and I have to wait till Tuesday to technically buy my prom dress and get measured so they can order it

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH =\

Oh Happy Night =]

Boyfriend
Macaroni
Disney Channel
random movie on tv
cupcakes
5 best cds
itunes
bla1
almost forgetting sweatshirt
almost having to drive dad's big truck
mom saves the day with car
forgets cupcakes
forgets cell phone
car ride
goodbyes
listening to music for hours


best part = being together =]

I'm giving up...

on music.

I'm not going to try and learn something new
no more trying out for honor choirs I never make
no more failing at making All-state
no audition for Celebration Iowa
no time to get better at the piano
no more solos that end up horrible because of stage fright

once I go to college none of it is going to matter any way.
I have wasted High School in the music department

I'm not going to waste my future.

sad and mopey all day.

The stars lean down to kiss you, and I lie awake and miss you.

Valentine's Day

Its just another day... I don't understand why there is a day where you are suppose to show how much you care, besides all the money businesses make. Shouldn't you always show the people you love how much you love them, and not be told to because its February 14th. It is just another cold day... but yet I am still kind of sad that he is gone for it and that I will sit at home all day. Only gone for two days... but that is two days closer to March the month that will be the worst =\

Happy Valentine's Day, I love everyone that reads this =]
(but you should know that already)

Flags

kicked butt at the Winterfest assembly.

It was fantastic =]

I have a wish...

that chamber choir could sing

The Circle of Life

from the lion king at pop show =]

Best boyfriend ever =]

jell-o

reminds me over summer... as I eat it in the freezing cold winter =]

nine.

9 months ago I never thought things would be so great and last so long...
I actually told someone I didn't think it would last.
but it has and everyday just gets better and better.
You are possibly the best thing to become part of my life... well you kind of are my life =]

I tried to write some sappy blog like I said I would but... its kind of hard because you are just that awesome... and in a way I feel like this is bragging =P


Happy Thursday, I love you =]

No School

I always put so much time into getting ready... then no one sees it =P
so I'm always looking good while being bored out of my mind =]

=]

I love seeing you smile, that is why I do so many crazy things... just to see you happy because then I'm happy. then everything is perfect =]

<3

owww

I feel like I am dieing... its not very pleasant
every time I swallow its like knifes on my sandpaper throat =\
also throwing up with a sore throat is the most painful thing ever
moving involves a pounding headache
I might just tough it out and go to school tomorrow... I'm to busy to stay home but I would rather not pass out at school

ugh... it might be mono =\

=]

Dear Owl City,

All three of your albums have been bought by a boy off itunes today,
5 minutes before he bought them he did not know your whole name or your music...
5 minutes after he had favorite songs and knew some lyrics.
He bought them for a girl he loves a lot since she has been talking about you for a while but has none of your songs or the money to get them.
Thank you for showing this boy what good music is =]

I'm excited =]

My brothers getting married, my brothers getting married, my brothers getting married.

2010

New Years eve is known for parties and staying up all night.
I sat alone in the dark at my computer while the tv was on some random channel talking about it and having bands perform. It became 2010 and nothing exciting happened for me I just kept sitting at the computer, but then the first phone call comes... it was from my favoritest person ever who was 5 and 1/2 hours away, he was the first to tell me happy new year and I could not stop smiling probably because I love him so much =] The second call was 10minutes later and I was not expecting anything, it was my oldest brother Ben who was up in Minnesota at some cabin with his friends... it was only around 3 minutes long... he asked what I was doing, where mom and dad were, and then just told me to tell them that he is now engaged to Katie, his long time girlfriend, I can her tons of people laughing and being silly in the background I could hear her laugh and ask who he is talking to and then before he hung up he told me he loved me and all I could do was smile and tell him I loved him to. I have decided sometimes even the most lonely nights can turn out fantastic. Now I am going to have a sister-in-law and she is super nice =]

Dear 2010,
Even though I sat alone when the year changed, in the first 20 minutes from far away 2 people that mean a lot to me called just to talk or tell me something... 2 people that will be around for a long time =]