False Hope

Yeah it sucks I know, I have had it happen to me.

I never wanted you to think thats what I was doing.

That was never what I was doing.

So I think I will just have to tell you it all...

I hate it when you are even the slightest bit upset at me

Believe me, I am truly sorry

Please forgive me, please.



I know you will read this, probably more then once

Thanks so much.

for keeping him safe,
that the other person in the other car is safe too.

for just busting up the front bumper a little,
that the other car is fine.

for the accident not be bad enough for the airbag to deploy,
that the seat belt was enough to save him

for not letting him role into the ditch,
that he just skidded and nothing bad really happened.

for the tow truck worker who got the car out of the ditch,
that, even though it was around 3 AM

Thank you so much for watching over my brother and keeping him safe.

Dear Santa,

I don't want anything for Christmas.

I could say the corny girl thing, like a boyfriend
I could ask for something that would not happen, like world peace
I could ask for the future, like 2009 to be the best
I could pretend I am still a kid and ask for a toy, like the mairaposa Barbie
I could ask for things to be a little better, like people not to fight so much
I could ask for things to be solved, like my life drama

But I am not going to, yeah it would all be great but I have the one thing I never thought would mean so much to me. My family. Everyone is home and I have never felt happier, even more then just my family is around. So, Thank you for bring them home even if some of them were always here.

I got the one thing that I really wanted.

Mom, Dad, Ben, Lucas, Matt, Elizabeth, and Max
^My Family^

Katie Scott *Ben's girlfriend*, Matt Salvus *Ben's friend, pretty much a brother*, and Kyle *Ben's friend*
^+ some very close people^

Thank you &
Merry Christmas
Love, Elizabeth

If I told you...

The one thing you don't know about me.
it would ruin everything, and that is why I will not tell you...

I am afraid I would hurt you... (and hurt me even more then already)

Also
I know you only want to know out of curiosity not because you care
because if you cared you would already know, you would already notice

I don't know how to start

I have no idea how to start because I have no idea how it stopped
I wish I knew how to fix it all, because I am really starting to miss you...



Do you even notice?

How did it happen?

All this drama and shit in my life.

This worse part is I have no idea what to do about it... any of it.

I just keep digging myself deeper...

Anyone want to pull me out of this hole?

You can never forget.

I thought I forgot how to...


I had built myself up so strong;
I had to deal with him and his games
I learned how to handle the heartache
I dealt with her and her bitchiness
I got over him and his ways
I remembered how to laugh and smile more
I told people how I felt
I learned more about who she was
I started to tell my mom more
I did what I wanted, not what others wanted me to do
I became more of my own person
I learned how to stand up for myself and what I thought was right


Then I remembered how to...


I read one simple, nice things you wrote on my facebook wall.
And it all came back, streaming down my face
at least this time they were kind of happy and not as bad
no headache followed, no bright red face
just the relief of knowing you still care and that I can still make your day... or as you put it your life.


I thought I had grown-up by not having it happen for a few months even...
it just goes to show, you are never to mature to cry. no matter what people say.

~*Happy Birthday Nicole <3*~

I wish I knew...

what to write
who to trust
how to knit
what to do
who to love
where I belong
how to feel
who I am



I never know what to write about anymore, it all just comes out like crap.

I have a new best friend

and he pretty much always makes my day without even trying. =D

I never thought I would get myself into this mess...

I wish you would actually keep your promises.

I love you.

My great discovery

A new movie =D

April 17, 2009 * wow what a great day ;) *

starring... Zac Efron

its called 17 again and I found out about it by a preview when I went to see High School Musical 3 in Cedar Falls, I am way pumped.

I wish I was turning 17 and not 16, that would make it 10 times cooler

One step forward and two steps back.

I don't know what I think or feel anymore.

I hate him but I like him.
I want to hurt him but I want to hug him.
I make fun of him but I defend him.
I know he lies to me but I trust him.
I see him flirting with other girls but I see him talk to me.
I get upset but I can tell that he knows its because of him.

I really wish all of this stuff would stop, but its been like a month and its all still here.


~*5 months and 16 days*~

I don't need a boy.

I wish you would go away.
Yeah I like you but I don't need to be treated the way you treat me,
I deserve better.
It hurts, but I just want you to leave me alone
It has been around a month since it all started and its all still the same...
So I am done waiting for you to realize what you want and if it is me it is to late.
I gave you many chances and you never took them so why should I stay any longer
I am going to take someones advice and just live my life and if love finds me that is great
but then again I am only 15 so what do I care
I can handle being single and not trying to find a boy, I can handle the useless drama in my life.
But what I can not handle is anymore of this heart ache.

I see you and everything else stops.

Talked to you for the first time in a while yesterday
finally found the missing part of me
felt so close but you were far away
left me without anything to say

now I’m speechless
over the edge and just breathless
I never thought that I’d catch this again
hopeless head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit
with this again

I can’t get your smile out of my mind
I think about your eyes all the time
beautiful but you don’t even try
modesty is just so hard to find

now I’m speechless
over the edge and just breathless
I never thought that I’d catch this again
hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit
with this again

wanted him to kiss me for the first time yesterday
only thing I wished for
suddenly I forgot how to speak
hopeless, breathless, baby can’t you see

now I’m speechless
over the edge and just breathless
I never thought that I’d catch this again
now I’m hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit
with this again

Stopped.

my life has stopped... just stopped.
caring what people say because who I like just stopped
the friends just stopped
All-State practicing just stopped
piled up homework just stopped
the stress just stopped
being healthy just stopped
sadness just stopped
riding my moped to school just stopped
Kelli just stopped
the warm just stopped
early mornings just stopped
being jealous just stopped
worrying about grades just stopped
giving half my effort towards musical just stopped
worrying about what he will do just stopped


But... by tomorrow I bet it will all start again.

Even though I am gone, he still loves me.

I miss spending my free time with Max.

Now I have no free time and he always looks at me with his cute sad puppy face as he follows me towards the door because I am always on the go and I don't have the time to play with him like I used to.

At least I know he will always love me and will never do anything to hurt me, and I try my best to show him I love him.

I love Max, and I am going to try and play with him more.

That ended fast.

To answer any questions:
It lasted 22 hours
We never talked to each other during that time
I saw him twice, walking opposite ways in the hall at school
He told me through a message on facebook

But hey, I knew it would not last long... but then again I never thought that short.
He is a manwhore, and I am just as happy without him as I was when I was "with" him.


"You change your mind like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS like a bitch I would know
got a case of a love bi-polar cause you're hot then you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in then you're out
you're up then you're down
you're wrong when it's right
it's black and it's white
we fight, we break up
we kiss, we make up
you, you don't really want to stay, no
you, but you, but you don't really want to go-o
you're hot then you're cold
you're yes then you're no
you're in then you're out
you're up and you're down"


"Womanizer, woman-womanizer
you're a womanizer
oh womanizer,
oh you're a womanizer baby
you, you, you are
you, you, you are
womanizer, womanizer, womanizer (womanizer)
boy don't try to front,
I-I know just, just what you are-are-are
boy don't try to front,
I-I know just, just what you are-are-are
you got me goin',
you're oh so charming
but I can't do it,
you womanizer"


P.S. I am jealous of you.

So yeah...

We are dating.
He asked me out.
October 15th.
I know it might not last long.
I already told him what I needed to.
He is a senior but whatever.
I know to be careful.
We have been talking about it for almost 3 weeks.
I don't care how much you want to bitch me out, because I am happy now.

In the end...

Yes, I like him a lot and... his name is Lawrence Creech.

Ugh...

I am tired of the headaches from crying

I don't appreciate the pressure from friends

I hate feeling sick from thinking

Being hurt from worrying about what you are doing when I am not around is annoying

I don't like how I can't get over it

I want a break from trying to get very good grades and failing

I am sick of all this heartache

Ugh... I just wish ALL of it would disappear and I could live a less dramatic life

I miss it all.

free time
someone to tell everything to
real hugs
people wanting to hang out with me
good friends
orchestra
this
not knowing manwhores
knowing what to do
dancing all the time
laughing
notes written in class
talking a lot more
not crying so much
having fun
instant messaging all the time
enjoying band
children movies
less homework
parties
real love
art class
not lieing
wanting to sing
her
helping people
not missing things
drawing pictues
presents
board games
playing the piano
having nothing to spend my money on
not being mad fun of
writing for fun
people coming to me to talk
inside jokes
not being told everything I think or do is wrong
good music
being called on the phone
not hiding
finger painting
people not being attached to one another so much
mix CDs
you
hanging out randomly
people caring what I said
skip-its
not trying to stand up for myself
doing well in school
hearing stories
people doing what they say they will
being told jokes
iconator
playing dress-up
there
pointless conversations
friends that last more then 10 minutes
being loved
The Nerd Posse
reading
card games
being brave
things made for me
playing outside
smiling
bike rides
walking around time
having a clean room
naps
things being true
telling stories
that
not hurting myself on accident daily
picture books
the word beautiful
cartoons
theme birthday parties
Matt
my squishy pillow
taking good photograph
him
understanding the world and the people around me
my old self
wearing dress with out people asking why
hola hoops

knowing how to remove the double space

skipping

holding hands

not always being on the computer

family time

Ben

not being a procrastinator

doing what I want to do not what others want

parks

scooters

having time to use blogger

I am sick.

Mentally.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Sick.

I am sick of every day being busy.
I am sick of never having time for myself.
I am sick of putting myself through so much shit.

So I took a day off, and I think my mom knew I could have pushed myself through school but... she knows how hard my days have been and how hard I am trying to get things done right. So when I told her I did not feel good she said ok, I will call the school and be home at noon for lunch, she did not question me except if I had to do anything important today.

Hey Boy,

you better figure things out fast, because I don't think I can handle much more of this heartache... or standing up for you, and myself, if you don't really want to be with me.

Finally...

We are friends again, and I am glad.

Because you are pretty cool =P

I want to be in the clouds,

away from all of this.

I would not need to love and be loved

I would not have homework all the time

My life would not revolve around school and musical

My head and heart would not hurt so much

and I could play on rainbows...

I am going to take my life, one step at a time.

"we live and we learn to take
one step at a time
there's no need to rush
it's like learning to fly
or falling in love
it's gonna happen and it's
supposed to happen that we
find the reasons why
one step at a time"
~*Jordin Sparks

Last Year...

I pretty much had the same thing happening to me.

This Year
a week ago he told me he liked me
and today I think I would tell him the same, but I can't because I am going to Simpson


Last year
a week ago I told him I liked him, then left for the Orchestra trip
and today he asked me out

I know its bad

the way I think he is telling the truth

that I am letting other people tell me what to do

how I want to just believe him

that I just want to scream yes

how his status makes me feel bad

that I can not make this decision on my own



Yeah... I am just going to talk to him, and in the end I think I might say yes =\
*please don't hate me*

don't look away

In the moonlight
my face it glows
like a thousand diamonds
I suppose
and my hair flows like
the ocean breeze
not a million fights
could make you hate me
I'm invincible
yeah, It’s true
it’s in my eyes
where you find peace

is it broken?
can we work it out?
let’s light up the town, scream out loud!
is it broken?
can we work it out?
you can see in my eyes
I'm ready to break
don’t look away.

so here we are now
in a place where
the sun blended
with the ocean thin.
so thin, we stand
across from each other
together we’ll wonder
if we will last these days
if you asked me to stay
would I tell you
would I be yours?

and time
is all you ask for
time
you just need one more day
and time
I've been crying too long
time
and my tears wrote this song
stay

in the moonlight
my face it glows

is it broken?
can we work it out?
let’s light up the town, scream out loud!
is it broken?
can we work it out?
you can see in my eyes
I'm ready to break
don’t look away.

Someone please shoot me...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

yeah... thats about all I can say

oh and

BOYS ARE CONFUSING, ugh.



*sigh* I need some Ramen... and my friends to be more like Samantha Brooks...


~*I want to say yes... but I am scared*~

Yeah...

I think I like him =D

One crazy day

If school was not worse enough
my hour after words was the last thing I need to happen...

So I drove my moped to Kwik Star because my back tire needed air
I try putting air in it and it did not help at all
so I decide to go home and talk to my parents about it later
as I am driving away from Kwik Star my moped was freaking so I had to stop and pull over
as I stood on the side of the rode I realized I was screwed
so my only thought is, ok just walk the moped over to Wartburg and talk to mom
that must have been the crappiest thing to do because 1) I had a very heavy backpack 2) the back tire was completely flat
but eventually I made it and walked to my moms office
when I got there she was on the phone with my dad and told him to come get me with the truck
I go outside to see him and Lucas putting my moped in the back of the truck and then my dad says the we will go to Casey's to try and put air in it
I sit in the bed of the truck with the moped and when we get there he managed to get the air in the tire
So he tells me to just ride it home which my mom said I should do so I had brought my helmet and keys and sunglasses and left my backpack and coat with my mom.
My dad says he will see me later because him and Lucas were going to go pick up Lucas' car =DD
so I rode home fine and later will get to hang out with my friends


I had crazy stupid horrible happy annoying painful day but hey good news is Lucas is buying a car so the second I get my license when I turn 16 I get the black car to myself =DDDDD


P.S. I have a weird burn on my knuckle from when I tried to put air in the tire the first time, and it hurts a lot =P


~*209 days*~

Tonight,

I just knew it when you...

~started giving me a massage without me asking

~looked me and the eyes and started singing

"What would think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends."

even if it was not suppose to mean anything

~picked me up and swung me around

~asked me if you would see me tomorrow

~hugged me a billion and 9 times

~did things so I would laugh


I think I am right, so now I don't have to hope.

I hope

that I am right.

One small thing

is all you did.
and it brightened my day
and it helped me move on
and it showed me how things should be
and it made me realize that things can be ok

best of all... I don't think you even knew you did anything

and that small thing has helped my life more then I ever thought it could.

A Poem

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it.

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

~*Stephen Chbosky

I think I am scared.

So I do a lot of dumb myspace surveys that people post as bulletins and many have the question,
"Are you scared to fall in love?"
and I usually say no but to tell you the truth I think I am scared, and think thats why sometimes I think to much about guys or something and I think I just tried to tell myself that I am not scared because its not a scary thing. But then again, I thought I was in love once... but how did I really know, how do I know it was true and I was not just saying it to myself. So yeah, I think

I am scared to fall in love...


again?

Try

People keep telling me I should try harder.
But I don't see them trying hard.

So I guess they can't see how freaking hard I am trying.
But I can see them not trying much and just telling me what I should do.



"‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect"
~*Simple Plan

Dear Blogger,

I tell you more things then I tell my friends.
I act the way I feel with no pretending, and sometimes people tell me my blogs scare them because I was always the happy and perfect one.
but they are wrong, because now I don't tell people anything and I spend my time thinking to hard and not smiling as much.
I have been told I was different last year but then again so was everyone else.
I got tired of pretending and hiding how I felt, tired of fake smiles and unreal laughter. so I stopped pretending but it makes me hide more, no one knows the truth about way I am sad lately because I am to scared to talk about it because that would make it real, no one understand how alone I always feel or how forgotten I feel even tho I never left.
Dear Blogger, sadly, you are my best friend.

Love, Elizabeth Marie Paladino


"The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core"
~Secondhand Serenade

Leftout...

I gave my mom money today just so I would not be left out.
I bought my own threadless shirts because its all you guys ever talk about
and I was finding it annoying and I would say it but no one cared.
So if you some how have the same ones I spent MY money on
I don't care I am going to wear them anyway, but I did not get any that anyone has talked about or that I have seen

~*221 days*~

Could I have my heart back?

Please.

Because I know you don't want it.

I want to know how you did it.

Because I am having a very hard time.

Oh wow.

I never knew set crew could make me so happy =D


~*some random high number days*~

Right Now...

I am crying.












But you probably don't care.

My mom is my biggest hero.

So today when my mom came home around 5 I was on the computer finishing my vocabulary which was the words I could not find in my dictionary. She was carrying the mail and put it on the table. I went to the kitchen to ask her about my vocabulary, which she knew the answer to. and then she was looking through the mail and 2 things had my name on them so she gave them to me. One was from my church which I guessed was about confirmation, which it was, and the other was from the school so I was a little confused. I opened it up to read this sentence "It is with great pleasure the we invite you to attend the Waverly Shell Rock High School's Academic Awards ceremony..." my mom then asked me what the letter said so I told her and she was so excited she told me that no one had ever gotten this letter and was really proud of me. I always thought everyone was part of the academic awards thing when I heard about it last year but I guess not since none of my brothers ever where apart of it. Today my mom made me feel the happiest I have in a while because she was really proud of me and actually cared, and lately it feels like no one really cares... just like I always feel. Then I told her I was really hungry and so she made macaroni & cheese and hot dogs, that also made me happy because I really like macaroni.

I just want to point out I never freak out about what grades I get. My parents do but I never let that pressure me and look I have achieved something great for just trying to do my best and also living a real life.


~*225 days*~

Down Hill

Everything just keeps going down hill.
I want it to stop.
Anything good that happens 2 things bad happen.
For every person mean to me, there are none nice enough to make it better.
All the caring I do towards others never comes back.
I have mutilated all my fingernails from biting or picking at them and picked of skin from them when I get angry or sad or some other random reason.
I just wish it would all go away and everything be better.


P.S.
I fucking hate Mr. Lehman & Hannah Theis

~*226 days*~

106 Post...

This is my 106 post which I find crazy.
When I first made my blog it was because all my friends wanted me to, but I thought I would never use it because I hate writing and I am not very good at it. Now I think I use it more then all my friends who really wanted me to make one...

Also, when we had our class assembly or whatever they said it was against the rules to use facebook, myspace, blogs, and etc... on the school computers. I started to laugh because I made my blog in the High School computer lab, wow I can be such a rebel =P

~*229 days*~


P.S. some of my post are not "posted" they are just "drafts" but they still count.

Sometimes...

my parents can be such jerk faces.
Like not allowing me to get a home to school permit thing-a-majig.
So, I have to wait till I am 16 to drive, yea I get a car but who doesn't these days. I would have taken drivers ed as a freshman and not look like a weirdo riding a moped that only goes 25 if I have my backpack because the more weight the slower it goes, also I would not freeze to death because I have to ride my moped in the morning when it is cold out. It all just makes me so frustrated on top of everything else going on in my life lately. I now believe all the people that say sophomore year is the worst, because it already is majorly sucking.
I wish I had someone to talk to, but no one really cares anymore... oh well.

~*230 days*~

I need help.

I am scared
and sad
and mad
and laughing
and making jokes
and running around
and helping my parents
and being calm
and not crying
and trying to be brave, alone
and scared


...I think I need to stop taking these new allergy pills

I like you.

all the stars up in the sky
and the leaves in the tree
all the broken bits that make you jump up and the grassy bits in between
all the matter in the world
is how much that i like you

~what?
~let me try and explain again

right, birds can fly so high
and they can shit on your head
yeah they can almost fly into your eye
and make you feel so scared
but when you look at them
and you see that they are beautiful
thats how i feel about you

I finished it

and I think it changed how I look at life
and that I should change how I act a little

every time I look at you,
you are looking at me.

and sometimes I can't help but smile.

The Past

I was thinking of songs to sing for my audition for the musical and decided on this one
and as I listened to it I remembered the time I told you it made me think of you, and to tell you the truth it still makes me think of you...
especially this part



Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Elizabeth

Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth Elizabeth


Get the point?
NO MORE LIZ, I seriously hate being called that.
So tell the world, Thank you.

I wish it would go away

Those butterflies I still get for you.
The urge to impress you.
How you make me feel.

unless... you feel the same but that seems unlikely

We Danced Anyway

The summer air was heavy and sweet
you and I on a crowded street
there was music everywhere, I can see us there
in a happy little foreign town
where the stars hung upside down
a half a world away, far far away
I remember you were laughing
we were so in love, we were so in love

and the band played songs that we'd never heard
but we danced anyway
we never understood the words
we just sang oh la la la la la la la oh
and we danced anyway

they say you can't go back, baby I don't believe that
come along with me, come on and dance with me
maybe if I hold you close
baby we could just let go
of these things that tie us down, we'll come back around
I remember we were laughing
we were so in love, so in love

and the band played songs that we'd never heard
but we danced anyway
we never understood the words
we just sang oh la la la la la la la la la oh
and we danced anyway

Something to remember...

Don't chew gum while taking a shower,
especially bad for the washing your face part.

Fire

Whenever I look into a fire
I think of you
And I have no idea why.

You.

You make me braver
you don't just tell me about yourself when I say my problem
you just tell me how I should handle it
you make me laugh so I am not so scared
you tell me the truth if I am being dumb about something
you let me talk and talk and talk
you let me complain and then you make it better

you have always been there for me, and I am great full for that

I only wish I could do what you suggest but you can't always be there when I need you to just push me that way, some day I will just have to be brave and take the first few steps.

someday real soon I hope...

I'm scared

to walk down those halls
to dance around when I am suppose to be working
to sing random songs really loud with old friends
to be alone in drumline
to be my crazy self
to not know what will happen
to be one friend short
to be alone
to keep going with out ever telling anyone anything
of so many things

but most of all... I am scared to see you.

I am scared to grow up.

I Find This The Truth.

I probably shouldn't say this
but at times I get so scared
when I think about the previous
relationship we've shared

it was awesome but we lost it
it's not possible for me not to care
now we're standing in the rain
but nothings ever gonna change until you hear, my dear

the 7 things I hate about you
the 7 things I hate about you
oh you
you're vain, your games, you're insecure
you love me, you like her
you make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
your friends they're jerks
and when you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
and 7th thing I hate the most that you do
you make me love you

it's awkward and it's silent
as I wait for you to say
what I need to hear now
your sincere apology
and when you mean it, I'll believe it
if you text it, I'll delete it
let's be clear
I'm not coming back
you're taking 7 steps here

the 7 things I hate about you
you're vain, your games, you're insecure
you love me, you like her
you make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
your friends they're jerks
and when you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
and 7th thing I hate the most that you do
you make me love you

compared to all the great things
that would take too long to write
I probably should mention
the 7 that I like

the 7 things I like about you
you hair, your eyes, your old levi's
and when we kiss, I'm hypnotized
you make me laugh, you make me cry
but I guess that's both I'll have to buy
your hand in mine
when we're intertwined everything's alright
I wanna be with the one I know
and the 7th thing I like the most that you do
you make me love you


~*Miley Cyrus

Runaway

Then stop

and see if anyone cares

once you realize no one does

just keep running.

Realization

I have come to realize something about this summer and last summer.

~Last Summer~
-Jordan moves
-I lose a boy I thought I liked
-I say I will not just sit around, but in the end I do
-Even if it was the most beautiful day out, I stayed inside
-I read endless books hoping to win a Wii, no Wii
-School seems like the best thing that will happen
-I buy new clothes months before school starts
-I can never pick a backpack and end up with my very old one

~This Summer~
-Nicole moves
-I lose a boy I am pretty sure I loved
-I say to do something everyday, never happens
-I lock myself in my room with the curtains closed and just sit
-Everyday I would read almost an entire book, still no Wii
-After a month I am ready for school, so I am not so bored or alone
-Last week I got my first day of school outfit, today I got my second day of school outfit
-Still no backpack, and the old one has a hole



If every summer ends up like this
I think my life is screwed.

Strong Alone

I thought I had finally figured it all out.
how I felt, how I would deal with things, and who I really know.

I thought and was wrong

I can't seem to feel the same for more then an hour
one moment I hate the next I love and then I miss
it never is just the same

nothing I do to try and deal with things is helping
not telling people, telling people, hiding, walking away
none of it is making anything better

I don't understand anyone anymore
no one really wants to talk or hang out
for one person I think maybe I should talk because what if they are thinking the same thing
but all the others just don't seem to care

for some time I have been a disaster
no one has stopped to talk to me
to try and make me feel better
everyone just ask the same question that I don't know the answer to
and then leaves me alone in my misery

I have come to not really trust anyone
I keep everything to myself
I hide it now so people think I am fine
all alone I have put myself together

all alone I fight the world.

so... um...

does anyone want to hang out... sometime
I am doing nothing all summer
and now I am bored of it
so... you pick the time and place??

Don't Go

I'm scared and I want you to stay.
I'm worried that you will fade away.
I know a town near Des Moines is not really that far
and you will come home every now and then
but I don't really want to be the only one left here
who am I going to talk to about stuff when I am home
when will you call home

I guess college is just another part of growing up.

Today

was a good summer day.

I went to a parade & had some candy

I went to the water park with the only friends still in Waverly/Janesville
which was tons of fun =D * thanks for coming <3 *

I got a sun burn but whatever, its summer =P

the only bad part is
now I cant really breathe that well, I keep coughing, and my stomach hurts a lot

also... I can't find the Aloe Vera

but it felt like a summer day today, and I was really happy and had not laughed that much in a while

Dear You,

I have something for you
since they day the news was said
but I am keeping it
till they day we all dread

So if you think I am forgetting you
just remember
I have something for you
but you have to wait and wonder

But trust me
what I have for you
is worth waiting for
what I have for you
is worth even more

Please just remember,
I have something for you...

Love, Me

more then the last day I would see her, she was moving to Louisiana and I was in 2nd grade
more then when some girls in elementary school didn't want be my friend anymore
more then the first and only time I was sent to the principles office
more then falling of my bike on loose gravel
more then when the nasty notes were given
more then hearing that he was going to be in the military
more then listening to all the arguing and scary stuff
more then being told she was moving 20 minutes-ish away
more then when parents yell
more then when I get mad at friends
more then when he said we should break up
more then knowing he was go away and only be seen on holidays and during the summer

for the first time as a teenager, in front of my mom

so much I got a bad headache

enough to not want to eat


And its only the first day...

Do you ever...

wonder if someone misses you

think you are great at something only to be told your not

realize maybe people don't tell you cause they don't really care if you know

hide in your room to escape the world

wish someone would call you to tell you everything that is beating them up

leave your house not knowing where you are going

dream of someone walking up behind you to give you a hug when you are all alone

want someone to ask how you are and really want to know

hold back tears and then something made you laugh and you can not stop crying


Do you ever...

unfair =P

psh... Matt got a cell phone for his 18th birthday

I want one =(

and I hope it does not take 3 years...

Elizabeth is...

bored out of her freaking mind
and wishes people would want to hang out with her
but it seems they don't
it seems they just want to tell her all about what they do together
but always leave out why she was not asked to come along
and because of that she has read 4 books in one week
not talked to any people besides family, Kyle, and Kellie
so... thanks for making this a summer to remember
because she will remember it as being just another summer that sucks
thanks for showing that you care and are not becoming everything she already said
because it has turned out true, so stop lieing to your selfs

I lied

I lied to you...
only because now I don't think you want to know everything
now I think you just need me to go away

but I am sorry that I lied to you

Music Player...

is at the bottom

so if you want it to stop
scroll down to the bottom =P

To My Friends:

Thank you,

for always putting up with who I am and accepting me.

cause I can be many things...
crazy
sad
loud
alone
happy
quiet
scared
missing
wild
helpful
mad
hiding
loving
just about anything...

And I am greatful to have friends like you.

Who bring me up when I am down
let me run around yelling weird things
laugh when I hug random strangers
call me when there is nothing to talk about, but you know I will never call =P
listening to me complain, rant, and mumble
tell me random stories
almost die laughing about something that was not really that funny
and for always being there no matter how mean I can get

to all of that all I can say is


I love you, Nerd Posse.

Dream numero 3

bet you can guess the rest

I do write

I do write about you
just not for the public

I do write about you
just in an old notebook

I do write about you
just to hide it under my mattress

I do write about you
just to hurt less

I do write about you
just so I never forget

I do write about you
just so you know I still care

4th of July

*at Shell Rock, sitting on bridge, being emo with Sam Niles*


Me: I am the cracken from the sea *does funny hand motion*

Random small boy walking past: Did you take your meds this morning?

Me:Yes, they were very good

Other random small boy next to him: *he said something but I could not hear him*

Random small boy: Can I have a hug?

Me: Yes!!!! *jumps of bridge railing and gives very short boy hug*

Random small boy: thanks

Me: *jumps back on bridge*

Sam: ...



Then I became batman =D
*Sam was Robin... even if she does not think so*

and I ran around main street with my sweatshirt hood on my head and holding out the bottom like a cap and when we had to find the car I said to the Batmobile and my house is the Batcave =D

Bored?

Take a hour and a half walk
where you have never been
and for no real reason

Guess What...

I had another dream about you last night
I can't really remember it
but next time we talk maybe I will try and tell you about it...
that is if we talk soon
hmm...


Thought I would just share

...

Last night I had a dream about you
The first one I have remembered in a while
The first one about you
Sometime if you want, I will tell you about it

But today... I waited to talk to you
But you never were really there even if it said you were
But... there is always tomorrow

There is always the future

Wanna see me smile?

capture me a rainbow

I cleaned & grew up

The past few days I decided to clean my room
not just clean but... change
I have always wanted to keep everything since I was young
so I had:
1st grade and up reading level books
tons of old photos
toys
crafts I never did
favorite clothes that have not fit for years
stuffed animals
American Girl dolls & stuff for them
about 15 shoe boxes under my bed cause I thought I would need them
and a lot more things that now... is just stuff

So...
I am donating all my books to the school
I have put my pictures somewhere safe
I gave all my toys to Trinkets & Togs
same with my crafts
my clothes to Good Will and Trinkets & Togs
my stuffed animals to Trinkets & Togs
my American Girls & stuff safely in the basement
the shoe boxes I recycled

I got rid of enough stuff to get rid of a shelf thing with 5 shelfs
I moved my bed right up to the wall
I moved my shoes
cleaned my desk
finally took the hook out of my ceiling where my net went
took down my 3 Zac Efron posters and 1 other one
reorganized my closet
cleaned my bulletin board


All of that made me feel more mature
I finally think I am
growing up

AHHH!!!

Sorry for the inconvenience of not having other peoples blog links on my blog

I was messing around with my layout and it would not let me do somethings so now they are gone

I will fix that soon

Thanks for the cooperation
-Elizabeth

Please come save me,
and tell me you love me.
Please hold me tight,
and never let go.

Screw Picnik

I am no longer addicted to Picnik.

I am now addicted to my tuned piano and stealing music of the internet

But, I will still make pretty pictures with Picnik... but not when I am completely bored
then I will steal music and play them really poorly on the piano and sing off beat and out of tune

but hey, I think its better for my brain... and a better use of my time =D

so... if you need me and I am not online just call I am pretty much home ALL SUMMER!!

cool, thanks

Love, Elizabeth

Letting You Down

I'm sorry for
all the times I let you down
all the times I change plans we have
all the times we should hang out
all the times I cause problems
all the times I make you guess yourself
all the times I do stupid things
all the times I think I am doing something right but it turns out so wrong
all the times I don't show you how much I love you
all the times I tell you my problems and you don't really need to know
all the times I mess us up
all the times I make you wonder if we should stay together
all the times I hurt you


Trust me, I do love you.
and from now on I promise to try harder to see you more so that you know you made the right decision



I love you.

Nobody's Fool

Step up - step up (step up)
Step up - step up (step up)
Step up - step up
Step up

Fall back, take a look at me and you'll see
I'm for real, I feel what only I can feel
And if that don't appeal to ya, let me know
And I'll go, cause I flow better when my colors show

And that's the way it has to be, honestly
Cause creativity, could never bloom in my room
I'd throw it all away before I'd lie,
So don't call me with the compromise
Hang up the phone,
I got a back bone stronger than yours

La, la, la, la - la, la
La, la, la, la - la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la - la, la, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

If you're trying to turn me, into someone else
It's easy to see, I'm not down with that
I'm nobody's fool I'm nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me, into something else
I've seen it enough, and I'm over that
I'm nobody's fool I'm nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try - go ahead and try

Don't know, you think you know me like yourself
But I fear, that you're only telling me
What I wanna hear, but do you give a damn
Understand, that I can't, not be what I am

I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon
It's not a simple, here we go not so soon
I might have fallen for that, when I was 14, and a little more green
But it's amazing, what a couple of years can mean

La, la, la, la - la, la, ooh
La, la, la, la - la, la
La, la, la, la - la, la, yeah, you - yeah, yeah, yea

If you're trying to turn me, into someone else
It's easy to see, I'm not down with that
I'm nobody's fool I'm nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me, into something else
I've seen it enough, and I'm over that
I'm nobody's fool I'm nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try

Go ahead and try
Try to look me in the eye
But you'll never see inside
Until you realize, realize, realize

Thing are trying to settle down
Just trying to figure out
Exactly what I'm about
If it's with or without you
I don't need your doubt in me

If you're trying to turn me, into someone else
It's easy to see, I'm not down with that
I'm nobody's fool I'm nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me, into something else
I've seen it enough, and I'm over that
I'm nobody's fool I'm nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try

La, la, la, la - la, la, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la - la, la, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la - la, la, ooh
La, la, la, la - la, la, ooh

La, la, la, la - la, la, would you be laughing out loud
La, la, la, la - la, la, if I play it to my own crowd
La, la, la, la - la, la
Try.....


~*Avril Lavigne*~


It speaks for itself.

I Really Do Love You

I don't just want you, I need you.

like night needs the moon and day needs the sun
like people need to breathe
like plants need rain
like fish need water

I don't just like you, I love you.

like Romeo and Juliet
like Link and Tracy
like Troy and Gabriela
like Hercules and Megara


I love you, and I am letting you know.
so please believe me, please.

I love you.

Dreams

When you wake up
crying, screaming, or sweating
its because of your dream...

so if a dream is so real are they trying to tell you something

if you never remember your dreams for months
and then the one you remember feels so real... is it trying to prove something?

if you dream of old friends and the way things once were
is yourself trying to tell you things were better then

but no one REALLY knows how it all changed
we all know parts of it but there is no way to put it all together

and to look back at it all now it makes me cry
i lost some of my closest friends
yea... I got new ones but
they have never really been there for me like my very first friends my very favorite friends
and how I lost them was the fault of my new friends the ones that say nothing will rip us apart
and already I am losing more friends
I trust people less, I love people less
I spend days alone because no one REALLY wants to hang out
we all say it but its never true

The other night I had a dream of this


A time when I was always happy when I felt like I was in the right place

and a few days before that I had a dream of something even better
fifth grade
when I thought I had finally found my friends that I would never fight with and never lie to
Samantha Brooks, Emily Bruns, Samantha Niles, Nicole Mittelstadt, and Aditi Patel
and it was always
Elizabeth and Sammy
Emily and Sam
Nicole and Aditi

and in my dream I was the happiest I have ever been


If I would have a dream of right now
I would see the tears my friends give me
the fights I have
the jealousy I get
the loss of two friends
Sam and Sammy *Sammie or how ever it is now*
Brianne and Jordan
Nicole and Heidi
Liz *which I don't even like being called* and no one
and you all say this is the happiest you have been with a group of friends
maybe me being unhappy means something

Yea... I have a few happy things
an amazing boyfriend
new friends a grade older then me
at the moment thats all I think of

next time you remember your dream try to think what it is trying to tell you


this blog kind of makes no sense...
but I don't care cause if you read it you probably don't care
but its how I feel

Love, Elizabeth

P.S. please don't write me some dumb comment about caring blah blah
if you really are afraid of losing my friendship you would tell me in person
Because I have told people in person... but so far no one seems to care

Jealousy Is Bad

when its about
friends

But, how can you stop it?

Have you ever... ?

Felt like you are wasting time just waiting for something that might not happen

Cried because you were afraid of what might happen next

Listened to a song straight for hours because it reminded you of someone

Stayed awake all night thinking but in the end you had no idea what you were thinking about

Wanted to run away so that you did not have to answer questions

Missed someone so much you tried to figure out every way possible to see them

Sat in the rain to cry so that no one can tell you are crying

Felt horrible for never calling... never trying

Laid in the middle of the rode wishing someone would lay next to you

Sung at the top of your lungs so you would not think about anything

Danced around because you were mad about something or at someone

Painted your nails so you felt like you did something during the day

Not been able to put your true thoughts and feelings into words

Thanks =D

for making me feel better
for making my so happy that it has not gone away yet
for making your way here
for making me less of a perfect daughter
for making me brave enough to do something crazy for once

for taking a chance
for taking the risk
for taking the time
for taking me in your arms
for taking my heart

Thanks for caring so much
and showing me that you do


I love you.

Summer

I have come up with the idea to do something everyday
after about the first week off =P
so if you want to hang out just tell me or i might call you to do something
but this summer is not going to be like all my other ones
this summer is not going to waste

Love, Elizabeth

P.S. I am gone some week in August for vacation, otherwise I am here all summer

10th grade... already

10th grade

Sem 1

1) Band - Vowels
2) Spanish 2 - Schlumbohm
3) American History - Cook
4) Concert Choir - Lehmann
5) English 10 Honors - Atkinson
6) Algebra 2 - Ramthun
7) Biology - Mugan
8) Drivers Ed / PE - Miller / Chaplin

Sem 2

1) Concert Band - Stover
2) PE - Dawson
3) English 10 Honors - Atkinson
4) Algebra 2 - Ramthun
5) Concert Choir - Lehmann
6) American History - Cook
7) Biology
8) Spanish 2 - Schlumbohm

Theme Song

Dear Jordan Leigh Thomas,

Do you remember our theme song?
that we both got from some dumb quiz thing
that we both took such a long time ago
I almost think it was way back in 7th grade


So... since we don't talk much I am going to tell you my story with this blog
others can read it if they want to but please... read it.


Today anything related to Mediacom stopped working in my house
the TV
the internet
the phone

so I went to my room to find something to do
and I turned on my ihome and just started singing and being goofy *I bet thats surprising =P*
after a few songs it started to play and it made me think of everything we had
and then the things we don't anymore
but then I just wished you were with me
to start singing and being dorky
so... I pretended
we were together dancing around and singing with the sun pouring through the window
and we had put on all my crazy clothes and accessories
then I did not feel so alone I was not scared from all the things running through my mind
I was just pretending like little kids do
and that made me happy like actually truly happy for pretty much the rest of the day
also because it reminded me of the night I spent at your house after a show
and how we just talked and talked about anything and everything
that was so long ago, we have not talked in like... I want to say like months but i don't really know


So now this one song that is amazingly happy
makes me happy and sad all at once
happy about the past
sad about the present


I just hope you remembered what it was

Love,
Elizabeth Marie Paladino



P.S.
this is the version I have

You are gone.

I don't know if you can tell...
but I know I can feel it
you have left me here after over 9 years of saying best friends forever
now... I would be surprised to hear you call me your friend

I don't think you meant to
it feels more like you have been stolen then you voluntarily stopped being my friend

But you also...
stopped sharing
stopped smiling
stopped hanging out

and on top of that
you have been captured...
by a clingy
self-centered
always has to be right
control freak
personal bubble invader
never can be alone
copier
demanding
jerk


and I can't believe I trusted so much to someone who takes away
my only friend that I have had since pre-K

but anyways
if you would rather just be their best friend forever
just stop me from trying
cause I hate seeing you be bossed around
and I hate not knowing anything about you


Since you seem so fine with the way things are,
then I am done.


I am gone.


Sincerely,
Elizabeth

Are you still here?

Are you still here, with me?

Do you still care?

Will you ever finally share?

Do you still want me around?
or should I go away...

When will we talk like we use to?
or laugh...




Is any of this suppose to mean something...
like a sign or is it normal

You were my favorite for many many years
or even...
not a whole year

is it me who is changing?
or you?

I don't think we will ever talk about it
it will never change
until the worst things happen

I am worried about you when you will not tell me
anything
not even the tiniest thing

how it takes me 10-20 minutes to think of something to say
and sometimes nothing comes
so I don't say
and I use to tell you anything and everything that came to mind

you don't always find my joking funny anymore
you don't really find anything I do funny anymore

I don't really understand you like i did
and I am guessing you don't understand me too


Are you still here?

or have you left?

P.S. This is about more then 1 person.

One...

one word
one look
one hug
one call
one letter
one second
one try
one chance
one smile
one tear
one friend
one thing shared
one song
one poem
one little help
one sorry
one thank you
one task


one,
can make difference
but sometimes... not for the best


one wrong word
one mean look
one fake hug
one awkward call
one meaningless letter
one second of nothing
one unhelpful try
one bad chance
one fake smile
one hurtful tear
one back stabbing friend
one thing not shared
one sad song
one unhappy poem
one little help done wrong
one useless sorry
one cheesy thank you
one task done in angry



one small thing can make or break a person.
so please,
please
do me one favor...
the one thing you do for me
do it because you want to, not because I asked or told
do it because I mean something to you.

I understand, I can be needy

When I am happy
don't try to bring me down

When I am sad
don't walk away

When I share
don't try to one up me

When I am mad
don't yell at me

When I am scared
don't make things worse

When I am quite
don't get mad at me

When I am tired
don't tell me what I should be

When I am all alone
don't be the one that just watches and walks away


instead...


make me laugh

cheer me up

just listen

let me vent

tell me you love me

try to make me smile

just let me lean on you

walk back to me

Second Chances

I am mean
I am judgmental
I am a jerk
I am a bitch
I am evil
I am hurtful
I am not nice
I am hard on people
I am easily persuaded

I am done, with all of that

I am going to give anyone and everyone I have known forever, just met, or well meet in the future
a second chances

I am going to be nicer
I am going to give people a chance
I am going to see it from their side
I am going to be calm
I am going to be helpful
I am going to be, a better person

but,
I will give just one second chance
I am done trying to make things better
so...
1 time to make me like you
1 time to make me not like you

You choose


Thank You

Left out, much?

1)hey I saw so-and-so at the movies the other day

2)Oh, I already did that with so-and-so

3)hey, we should hang out more


maybe I am crazy or maybe its true
but from my side I keep feeling like I am being
left out
replaced
forgotten

or maybe I am just not that fun to be around
or
to go places with

If that is true then stop saying you want to hang out
stop pretending you want to be with me
and just stop replacing me

If you are leaving me out... don't tell me the next day how much fun you had
cause I will not want to know

Its not that hard to hang out with me since only Monday nights i do anything
so don't try and use that line
and my parents are pretty generous when it come to me wanting to do something
so I will most likely be able to
I have a moped, so in spring, summer, and fall I can do anything in town
so transportation for me is no problem

But... never mind I will just enjoy me uneventful nights till I am 37

Thank You


P.S.
don't leave me some comment about blah blah i am sorry blah we don't leave you out blah
so pretty much... comments are unnecessary

What do I do?

When you need me instead of me needing you?

When you are at your worst and I don't know what to say?

When you have always been there for me and I have no idea how to do the same?

When you are far enough away that I cant make things better?

When you have always seemed to know what to do but I don't?

When you have tried anything and I tried nothing?

When you just need me to say anything but the few things I say make it worse?

When I love you so much it hurts because I can't do anything?

What do I do?

Weekend =D

Friday

I spent the day doing nothing
which was fine by me
then I went to Josh's...
it was really really fun
music, dancing, guitar hero, people

I don't know but it just made me feel great, and like a normal teenager

Saturday

I spent the day sleeping to catch up from Josh's
then I went to Jordan's we talked for a little then Heidi *our ride* showed up
we went to the show which the music and all was good but it was not really that exciting
yes, card towers and stalking people was fun but sometimes it was just... nothing
when it was done we were waiting for Heidi's mom
and found sticks of something or other and were sword fighting me, Heidi, and Jordan a little
but Brianne was being a party pooper and was not
then Brianne was like "Heidi i think that's your mom"
so we through the sticks and acted "natural"
we got in the car and Heidi's mom was like
"I saw people with sticks how did i know it was Heidi"
it was pretty funny
I spent the night with Jordan, just Me & Jordan
I am pretty sure that was the best thing that I have ever done in a long time
we spent the night just... talking
for hours
about whatever came to mind, whatever we have not told each other
just... talking about anything
and I liked it =D
we talked till like between 1 or 2 am
and then just fell asleep on her bed
and woke up at like... 10am
we talked for like... another hour or so
and then her dad brought doughnuts *yum*
we played with bonnie, she is cute
then me mom got me and we toke Jordan to history day
I spent the rest of the day sleeping


I am pretty sure that being with so many people
and just talking about nothing and being goofy
makes you know who really is there for you
who understands what you mean when you don't
who wants to just be with you


I wish I had more weekends like this:
cute puppies
Jordan
talking
listening
stalking
laughing
telling the truth
letting it out
being a teenager
card houses
late nights
being together
dancing
singing
nerd fights
remembering Jr. high
thinking of summer
being outside


Sometimes I wish I would try harder for all of that
for all the stuff that makes me happy for more then a second
even more then a day
and sometimes I wish I would not always blame people so much for not trying their self


And I would like to say Thank You
to the few people that made me weekend amazing
and the ones that were at least around
because this weekend was probably one of the best ones I have had in a long long time

Thank You =D

Hiccups

Today after school
I went to sam n's house *YAY*
and I got some hiccups
for almost an 1/2 HOUR!!!

A never ending cycle of
me hiccuping
then laughing
then hiccuping because I was laughing
Sam laughing at me
me making weird noise when hiccuping
me laughing more
which caused more hiccups

CRAZINESS!

then later when I started eating dinner
THEY CAME BACK
but this time I did not find them funny
and my mom made them go away *YAY*

and she also said I could
1) go to josh's party
2)maybe rent juno and have Nicole over
3)go to show on Saturday ANDANDAND stay with Jordan

but sadly still no on the whole Friday plan

oh wells she is making me cake =P

Love,
Elizabeth

P.S.
I am not turning emo

When you look me in the eyes

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head up high,
And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms,
I know that it's forever.
I just gotta let you know,
I never wanna let you go.

When you look me in the eyes.

And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
Oh

~*Jonas Brothers




This song makes me happy;
and makes me think of you <3

falling... in love?

Why do we use the word falling when we are in love?

Wouldn't that mean that it hurts or that it was not meant to happen.

When you think falling don't you think of tripping and getting hurt,
or when you drop something
you don't want that

When you think falling don't you think of its not meant to happen,
or that it was an accident
you don't want that

When you think falling don't you think of pain or being hurt,
or that it scared you
you don't want that

When you think falling don't you think of love as the last thing,
or that amazing feel that you get
you don't think that



Why do we even use that word love so easily?

Wouldn't that make it less meaningful when you really mean it

When you think love don't you think of friends,
so its really more a friendship
not really love

When you think love don't you think of inanimate objects,
so its really anything
not really love

When you think love don't you think of that cute fake celebrity couple,
so its not true
not really love

When you think love don't you think of little pink hearts
so its something that the media has come up with to sell and get money
not really love



Why do people have a problem with other people being in love with someone?

Wouldn't it be bad if they said the same things to you

When you think "I love that person" and someone says
how can you
why do they have anything to do with it

When you think "I love that person" and someone says
who would ever love someone like that
why do they get to judge people

When you think "I love that person" and someone says
why would they love you
why do they have the right to be so mean

When you think "I love that person" and someone says
you are to young to love someone
why do they get to be the boss of your heart



So from now on I am never saying:
falling in love
or even...
I love you to random people/ things
cause i dont really love them
they just mean a lot to me

from now on I will only tell 2 people I love them
1) my family (yea its more then one person but whatever)
2) Nathan (Yes, I really do love him.)

Book report

so...
this is a happy post...
kind of =P
its me slacking off in English class not working on my book report
distracting Brianne from hers and making sure the substitute teacher does not walk by
haha she just walked by =D
and I was "researching" when she did so its all ok
well...
I should really do some work since I have little to nothing done
yippee research
if you read this during school you should tell me
cause that would make me happier then I am... if that is possible
because I am really happy/hyper *YAY*

and Jordan if you read this... Rarw && tin foil =P

oks... now off to work

I lied

I lied
I lied
I lied
I lied
I lied
I lied
I lied

I lied to you when I said I was ok
I lied to you when I said I was not sad
I lied to you when I said nothings wrong
I lied to you when I held your hand
I lied to you when I hugged you
I lied to you when I acted sad to leave you
I lied to you, and I cried for the first time in weeks

worst of all
I lied to myself, my heart

and for that I am sorry
well... I don't think I really am, but what else is there to say

Up... and Down

Life is full of ups and downs
but to have so many in one day...
even in a small amount of time makes things weird

for starters
my after school plans had to change
that made me pretty bummed, especially cause you almost left without saying bye

so instead I went to Ander's with some friends we played rockband that was fun
and full of craziness and i laughed so hard my eyes watered a little

then I went back to school with Bri, since she was reason I was still around... and ride home
we said hi to the play people, kind of
she wanted to find her boyfriend but I really did not want to find mine,
because i was upset for some reason
after awhile they were done with practice and we were in the hallway near locker rooms so they saw us
they changed and what not and then came back
some part of was going to be upset, but then it was like I could not be
I just looked in his eyes and did not understand why I was upset and then was happy

Then I went home and after some time decided to try on the dress I was going to wear
for ushering... sadly its to small a.k.a. I am fat but w/e
so that made me kind of sad but then i just decided to wear winterfest dress so its all good

the best party which made everything all better
is that I get to see Jordan Thomas tomorrow
not just see her, she is sleeping at my house so with me pretty much entire time in Waverly =D
and now I cant stop being happy

just thought like sharing my day with you,
thanks for reading and maybe caring


Love,
Elizabeth

back... or not

You are back, thats great
people say I seem happier
how can i have changed if
I don't feel like you are back

Yea, Monday was good
but now it just feels like you are gone

I don't understand any of it
or why I feel like you are gone
but I don't like it
and what I don't like even more is I don't know what to do

I try not to make a big thing out of it
maybe it just takes time or something
or maybe I am thinking about it to much

whatever it my be I hope it changes
and soon, because
I love you.

Who Knew

That distance makes things stronger but hurts so much more.

That people act fake but say that they don't.

That love can sometimes be hard but we are just high school kids.

That people think they are helping but really they are not.

That somethings we can not change but we try anyways.

That what you say can sound nice but not be true or ever happen.

That not talk gets thought over to hard but rarely happens.

That waiting seems like the only thing to do but its the worst.

That being sad is never allowed but that means being fake is better.

That tears are not to happen but you say you are a shoulder to cry on.

That I am strong but all you do is try and break me down.

That you cant just tell someone to be happy but everyone does it.

That sadness does not heal in a day but that it takes time.

That sitting is all we do but complain about things not getting done.

That when you need someone the most they are not there but when you don't need them they are always there.

That silence is not always bad but its treated that way.


Who Knew?
I knew.
Do you?

I miss...

~*Singing in the hallways, because everyone was in choir so they new the words and would sing too, now... you get told to shut up, actually now no one ever sings

~*Complaining about a little math homework... now its 3 projects, Spanish, music to be practiced, AND math

~*Laughing all the time at everything

~*When everything was in inside joke

~*Choir, Band, Orchestra... when they were fun and full of laughing and talking and messing around, not so... strict and unhappy

~*Boys not being such a big... problem

~*Friday hanging out was not so... up tight, because we knew on Monday we would see each other again... and talk/laugh

~*Variety Show, and all the fun and craziness i came with but also the time to be together and act silly

~*When no one cared about what brand they wore or if their hair was straight

~*That the second something bad or different happened we would tell everyone

~*The Nerd Posse

~*Not having to act "grown up"

~*Old friends

~*Having free time... and a life

~*Dancing at school because everyone was always so happy and energetic

~*Feeling like I was still young and allowed to do whatever

~*Not having to make such BIG choices

~*Going to movies together

~*Feeling like someone that no one hated or thought was weird

~*Not crying so much

~*Ms. Siler.... Mrs. Lambert, she always had a smile to make you better

~*Passing notes

~*Not thinking about my future


The truth is... I miss
Jr. High