Behind your back

It makes me feel bad
these things I do
I say things you'll never know
I say things
behind your back

I try to stop
I feel bad when I do it
but when I do it helps me
its not good but it does
I am not holding in my emotions or feelings
but maybe I should be telling you
to your face not
behind your back

Sometimes I try to tell you
but most of those times you seem not to care
I try explaining
I try telling how I really feel because you said I could always do that
but in the end most things that would make a difference I say
behind your back

I guess its because I am afraid of what might happen
afraid that the truth would ruin us
but would that be better then not telling you
should we be full of saying things about each other
behind each others backs

Or should I be brave
and try to tell you
face to face
the things that you might need to hear
the things I say
behind your back

I try so hard but i am afraid and worried
I already hurt so much and I want it to stop
and the things that help the hurt feel less
is just telling and telling and telling others
behind your back

So now
I promise completely
to stop. saying things
behind your back


If I feel something weird towards you
I promise to tell you
and I hope you will not make me feel like it does not matter to you
and I also hope you will not get mad at me
for doing what you said I could instead of saying it
behind your back

You said I could always tell you anything and that you will always listen
so sometime soon I might test what you said
and find out how much I really mean to you and if you really mean what you say
because I have never seen you prove it to me
and for all I know you might be saying stuff
behind my back

For now on, for everyone,
I will stop saying things

Behind your back